Just Another Day
How do you go through tough times acknowledging the difficulty and yet maintain a positive attitude? People don’t like to hear me say that I had a bad week or I feel closer to death than ever before. It sometimes seems that others expect to hear I am doing well in spite of the physical, mental, and emotional drain I experience every three weeks. When I give an accurate answer to the question of “how are you feeling?”, I often come away feeling as if I am being too pessimistic. Or that I simply have given up hope and succumb to moping in the gloom of self-pity. No one likes to see anyone go through hard times that can’t find a way to be happy. And yet last week was a bad week, just as every week is following the beginning of my three-week cycle. I think the English language needs a new word. One that expresses that I had a horrible day and in spite of it I am still living and there is a smile deep inside me right now even if others can’t see it and I don’t say it. That is how I felt last week. That’s how I always feel after chemo.
For those of you who are keeping up on my treatment cycle, I just entered my ninth this past Monday (4/25). That means there are three more before this protocol comes to an end and I go back for evaluations. I pray that all the cancer that was in my bone marrow, abdomen, lungs, and chest cavity is completely gone and I can begin to recover from the months of chemotherapy instead of searching for what to do next. I hope to stay out of the hospital this week!! Today I am feeling pretty good!
I thank you all for caring so much for me,
Nathan
For those of you who are keeping up on my treatment cycle, I just entered my ninth this past Monday (4/25). That means there are three more before this protocol comes to an end and I go back for evaluations. I pray that all the cancer that was in my bone marrow, abdomen, lungs, and chest cavity is completely gone and I can begin to recover from the months of chemotherapy instead of searching for what to do next. I hope to stay out of the hospital this week!! Today I am feeling pretty good!
I thank you all for caring so much for me,
Nathan
posted by Nathan's Blog... at 10:07 AM
7 Comments:
Good Morning, Nathan! I'm grateful for your honesty in this last entry. Its a good teminder that you're human!!! And even though most of us haven't been through what you're going through...and we can't understand exactly how you're feeling...Christ does! That is the beauty of our fellowship with Him. He knows and understands your days/nights of darkness and pain. What a friend we have in Jesus! I keep praying for your physical healing, along with your mental and emotional health during your struggle to fight the cancer. God's blessings to you~
Tammy Negrete
Nathan,
This is Ashley Miller from Goshen College. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking and praying for you. I'm not sure of God's plans sometimes, but I pray that through all of this he is making himself more and more real to you. Know that he is standing with you and advocating on your behalf. Thank you for keeping your blog up to date. Its so nice to be able to see how you are doing. In Christ's Love, Ashley
Hi Nathan,
This is Luke Bisbee. I just talked with Kristy a few hours ago. She gave me the address to this site.
It is so good to find out how you are doing! I wonder how you are doing often and remember to keep you in my prayers. I have only read a few of your enteries and it seems that despite all your physical pain you seem to be growing closer to Christ, our Lord!! That is so AWESOME!! I really admire you. A ton of people in you situation would turn away from God in complete anger. Through your use of this site, you are truely being a blessing to all of us that read your enteries and you are being a shining light for Jesus.
I hope and pray that you will win this fight with cancer.
In Christ,
Luke
p.s. I have a new email: bisbee_68@hotmail.com
It's O.K. to have a "horrible, no good very bad day/week" It's only by the Spirit of God you can keep that inner joy that's deep inside. We care and know God is touching all our lives through you. May you experience Gods' peace today. Lois and Gerry
Nathan, you did a very good job describing how you feel after chemo. It was good to hear your honesty. Since we've not been through chemo ourselves, we can only imagine in a small way what you must feel and your discription makes it easier to identify the best that we can with what you are going through. We've watched grandma and our brother-in-law Fred go through chemo and it is not a pretty picture. It's definetly not fun and yet I've talked with some people who have recovered from it and they tell me they are now feeling more normal and that their hair is not longer chemo texture, but feels normal. (: We ditto what Tammy says about Christ knowing how you feel and understands and walks along side of us in our darkest hours. We pray that you feel Him walking with you during the valley of the shadow of the darkest hours of chemo. On the more humerous side, our brother-in-law Fred said he could dry off after a shower more quickly after loosing his body hair. I, Elaine being a woman never thought of the obstacle of having to dry hairy legs, arms, and chests and how much longer that would take. Love you much and continue to pray for God's care and protection over you. Carl and Elaine
Hi Nathan, It's been a long time since I've talked to you...thanks for coming to visit in Virginia last time- bringing a suite and everything :)
I've been reading what you've posted tonight and I am having a difficult time grasping what has happened to you. Do your doctors know what caused your cancer?
I must also say that I was blessed to see your positive attitude and growing faith through all of this. How encouraging. One of the new friends I've made this semester is exploring Christianity although she grew up with a Jewish mother and Indian father. She's had some huge struggles in her life as well and when I asked why she wanted to know more about Christianity, she said it was the only religion that shows any value in suffering. You have definately been making the most of your suffering and God hasn't been taking that lightly. Thank you for your example.
Kara Hershberger
karahersherber@hotmail.com
Tim, Carol, and Nathan:
I sit here at the computer staring at the blinking cursor, trying to find the right words to say to you, but the right words are hard to find. I think of you many times during the day, pray for you, join with you in both your sadness and your optimism and hope. I admire your strength during this difficlut time.
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